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You can have your CGI Thomas. I will always prefer what was essentially Alec Baldwin reading a book while some guy filmed his model train set in action.
I would like to get family pictures taken while the new baby is still a sweet, squishy, lump. Sadly, this also means getting family pictures taken while I am also pretty squishy and lumpy.
#fourthtrimesterproblems
I asked Joel (age 2) to show me how high he could count. So he reached his hands as far as he could above his head and counted to five.
#toddlermiscommunication
Brian: We forgot to do that tour of the hospital with the kids before the baby was born.
Me: Um, we didn’t forget, I just thought maybe we shouldn’t.
Brian: Why?
Me: Remember at the end of the tour we took before Joel was born when they gave the kids dolls and had them practice how to change a diaper and swaddle and all the kids on the tour were being really sweet except ours who were whacking each other with the dolls and all the other parents and nurses were looking at us weird?
Brian: Oh right. Never mind.
Teddy is one week old today. To celebrate, we finally got around to giving him a bath. . .
#sixthchildproblems
Josh (pointing to my stomach): Hey! You have another baby in there?
Me: No. Josh, that isn’t a very nice thing to say. It just takes awhile for everything to go back to normal size.
Josh: Oh, I’m sorry Mom. I was just excited about another baby.
And now you know part of the reason we’ve ended up with six kids.
#bestbigbrother
I gave Danny (age 5) a lecture this morning about not touching the baby’s bellybutton, which is still healing. So when the doctor started examining it this afternoon, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when Danny yelled, “NO!”, plugged his ears and hid in the corner.
We like to keep doctors on their toes.
When you have lots of kids, I kind of feel like this “on demand feeding” thing makes as much sense as “sleep when the baby sleeps.”
According to my postpartum instructions from the hospital, I may be doing “too much too soon.” I would have figured this out earlier, if my postpartum instruction sheet wouldn’t have been stolen by one of my toddlers only to reappear today.
#figures
My child is 100% convinced the meal at school last week was a “sloppy hoe”. Either that child is wrong and just misheard “sloppy joe” or I need to join the PTO. Immediately.
Danny thinks the scab on Teddy’s tummy is from his “umbilical cork.”
#makessense
When Brian and I were dating I’d get all sad when I’d see married couples that weren’t holding hands when walking together. I vowed we’d never be those people! Now I know those people may just be thankful for five minutes where they aren’t having to hold someone’s hand who is trying to run away or dragging someone by the hand who doesn’t want to go or having someone pull on their hand to ask for another snack or just ENJOYING A MOMENT WHERE NO ONE IS TOUCHING THEM.
#perspectiveadjustment
Sign you are getting sentimental in your old age: You got a little weepy when you noticed the baby’s umbilical cord scab had fallen off.
#twoweeksold #slowdownbaby
We are having a birthday party for two of my kids today, so I am making two cakes. Because I am an idiot. But I am making them from box mixes. Because I am not also insane.
Joel (2): What you doing, Mom?
Me: Just giving Teddy his breakfast.
Joel: You giving him his breast? Fast?
Me: Um, yes.
#literalist
I found my old Cabbage Patch Kid today. I remember feeling bummed when I got this doll and my sister got a girl one with braided pigtails and a dress. But I think maybe God was preparing me for something.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one that had a ridiculous amount of children,
And that has made all the difference.
-Maralee, with help from Robert Frost
When people talk about the beauty of breastfeeding, they fail to mention the part where a baby pees straight through his diaper onto your bare stomach and then belches partially digested milk back onto your bare chest.
“The louder it is, the better I sleep.”
-The Baby in a large family
I appreciate the current trend in pop music to encourage women to embrace their bodies, whatever shape they may be. I would now like to request artists create some songs to help thirty year-olds embrace their unexpected acne. . . you know. . . for a friend. . .
Sign you have a compliant child: You never actually get to the monster at the end of this book.
I’m contemplating slipping the preschool teacher some money if she’ll starting “losing” some of the artwork they keep sending home so I don’t have to keep sneaking it into the trashcan after the kids go to bed.
Parents, it’s important to take a moment and talk to your children about examining their candy this Halloween. And by that I mean under no circumstances should they reach into a candy bowl and pass over a box of Nerds to get a dum-dum.
#priorities