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A Life in Status- December #1, 2014

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Parenting Challenge of the Day: Not laughing while disciplining a child for writing “butt fase” on a piece of paper.

Nothing makes you appreciate your child’s teacher like a 6 day break.

Told my oldest child if they want Elf on the Shelf stuff to happen, he’s responsible for it.
‪#‎delegating‬ ‪#‎protip‬

Bethany (age 5) “The bus driver said he believes in Santa Claus. Is it okay that I told him the truth? I did NOT tell any kids! They need to ask their moms.”
‪#‎spoiler‬

Any other parent say something like, “Crying won’t fix it” or am I the only one potentially setting their kids up for needing counseling in the future?

Dear Josh’s Future Mother-in-Law,
I heard Josh singing “Rude” today, so we had a nice long chat about what kind of man he needs to become so no nice girl’s parents would feel compelled to deny him her hand in marriage. We talked about having a job, treating people with respect (especially your in-laws), and what it means to really love someone by putting their needs first.
You’re welcome.

Child decided to write “stupid” on their homework out of frustration. Child misspelled “stupid” (soopid). Guess who gets an extra spelling word this week?

Sometimes when a bunch of kids are whining at me, I jump at them and do my best dinosaur “ROAR” which stuns them into silence for a minute. I’m not saying you should try this, I’m just letting you know that if you’ve ever done it, you aren’t alone.
‪#‎momconfession‬

Daughter has been telling me she wants a pixie cut. I kept stalling. She took matters into her own hands. All scissors are now on top of the fridge for the foreseeable future.
(A serious question- how do you decide when to let your kids make their own fashion choices, especially about hair?)
‪#‎trendsetter‬

Maralee’s Weight Loss Strategy:
1. Be bad at baking.
2. Be too tired to make yourself a snack.
3. Put poop diapers in the kitchen trash, nearest the fridge.
4. Put the baby’s crib up a flight of stairs from the kitchen.
5. Forget where you put the scale.
6. Carry a small human everywhere you go.
7. Have children that insist on eating half of whatever is on your plate.
‪#‎nailedit‬

Teddy wouldn’t sleep in my quiet bedroom. I moved him into the room where kids were loudly dumping Duplo blocks from one bucket into another. He fell right asleep.
‪#‎sixthchild‬

Although we aren’t a Santa family, sometimes I like to imagine taking the kids to get a picture with the one at the mall just to see the look on Santa’s face when I keep handing him more kids to fit on his lap.
‪#‎largefamilyproblems‬

Brian: Josh, you need to clean off the top of your dresser.
Josh (grabs the books, papers, toys, random stuff from the top of his dresser, throws it all in the bottom of his closet and then whispers): Nailed it.

Thanks for all your feedback about when you let kids make fashion choices! My five year-old now has her pixie haircut and she is thrilled to be “just like Tinkerbell.”

Sometimes brushing your teeth without an audience feels decadent.
‪#‎Imsofancy‬

I embarrassed my five year-old son by dancing in the grocery store. They grow up so fast.

Dance like nobody’s watching? Right now I just want to eat like nobody’s watching.

Me: Hey, it’s nap time. Don’t get out of your room. If you come out of your room, what will I need to do?
Joel (2): Umm. . . you play with me?
‪#‎nicetry‬

“No one cares for you a bit
When you’re a foster kid”
New Annie Soundtrack, you are the reason for my weepy meltdown today.

Dear First Episode of Friday Night Lights,
You are terrifying me out of letting my boys ever play football. Well done.
‪#‎cleareyes‬ ‪#‎fullheart‬ ‪#‎flagfootballonly‬

“You will never cook or bake anything that tastes half as good as the coloring end of a black marker.”
-The 13 month-old (if she could talk)

I think I might like The Baby best. Only because I haven’t ruined him yet.
‪#‎momconfession‬

Sign you may be getting a little obsessive about the baby’s wardrobe: You have something you call “dressy pacifiers” to go with Sunday outfits.

Me: You have to wear jeans today.
Josh (8): What? Why? Where are my sweatpants?
Me: They’re all in the wash.
Josh: It could be worse, I guess. (points at baby brother wearing ducky overalls)
‪#‎perspectiveadjustment‬

I promise I’m not a Scrooge, but adults who tell my kids they believe in Santa make me a bit crazy. My kids wonder if you’re a little delusional (or they start to wonder if I’m a liar) and I have to explain to them why you would tell them something untrue. Just like we work to not ruin the magic for other kids, we’d appreciate it if you didn’t ruin the honesty we’re working on with our kids. If a child asks you about Santa just tell them what we tell our kids to say- “That’s a good question for your Mom or Dad.”

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