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(watching “Superman 2” for the first time)
Bethany: This is the part where a lady always yells, “MY BABY!”
Lady in the Movie: MY BABY!
#nailedit #shewatchesalotofsuperheroshows
It’s Fall Break and I’m taking all six kids on an outing by myself. Prayers are appreciated.
#STAYATHOMEmom #howdoesshedoit #sheusuallyDOESNT
I’m starting to think maybe the root word of “dinner” is “din.”
#SOLOUD #somanykids #familymeals
Carrie (2): Mom, what this?
Me: My Little Pony.
Carrie: You little pony?
Me: No, it’s MY Little Pony.
Carrie: YOU little pony. I like you little pony. I have you little pony for my birthday?
#whosonfirst #conversationswithtoddlers
Me: Time for lunch!
Teddy (2): Want syrup!
#momfail #goingtobealongday #pickyourbatttles #Ipickthisone
Me: Hey, the toilet sounds like it’s still running. Do you know what to do?
Danny: Jingle the handle.
#soclose #itdoeskindofjinglewhenyoujiggleit
“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.” ― Augustine of Hippo
#fostercare #fosterlove #fosteradvocate #whywedowhatwedo
I was feeling so proud of my son for FINALLY remembering to put his pajamas in the hamper and shut his drawers before he left for school. . . and then I got the call from school that he managed to make it there without his shoes.
#priorities #hegrabbedthewrongshoes #wasntevenembarassed #wemakeschoolnurseslaugh #Iquit
Joel (4): For Halloween I either want to be a chicken or just be me.
#justbeyou #cheapercostume
Just watched the toddler go down the stairs in dress-up high heels. I think she may be officially more of a woman than I am.
#howdidshedothat #mommyisclumsy
The two year-old handed me his sippy cup and said, “More coffee, Mom.”
#justlikemommy #IpromiseIdontgivehimcoffee
The four year-old’s favorite fruit is palm-a-grab-it.
#soclose #makessense #pomegranate
I may have just bought my last box of diapers. Is there a support group or something for this?
#diaperwithdrawal #decadeofdiapers
Josh (whispering to his new Rubik’s cube): You will be my baby.
#socreepy #lovestocube
Bethany (to her brother): If you keep farting like that, NO ONE WILL WANT TO MARRY YOU.
#whytheyneedsisters
I would like to apologize to my fellow shoppers at Kohl’s tonight. I did not know Josh was going to accidentally learn how to make the armpit fart noise for the first time while we were shopping and I also did not anticipate how much my extensive eye rolling would make him want to do it more. If you came out to shop as a break from your own tween, I doubly apologize for the giggle/fart situation I brought with me. Please forgive me.
#whywedontgooutmuch
Ladies, DON’T OVERTHINK IT. I am so guilty of this. I don’t do something I should because I know it isn’t going to be perfect or as impressive as I want it to be. But when you’re drowning and somebody throws you a life preserver, you don’t ask what brand it is. This food will taste like love not only because it makes my life easier one night this week (and because my kids will eat this without complaining- miracle), but because I know someone cared enough about me to send it over.
Those of you who are capable and love making time-intensive gourmet meals to bless families in need, you are AWESOME and please keep doing what you’re doing. And for the rest of us, sometimes we need to get over ourselves and just do the best we can, trusting that ravioli tastes like love to the one who needs it.
My mom friends and me at 3 pm:
This day is making me crazy and I need to get out of the house! Let’s go run away tonight and do something fun!
My mom friends and me at 9 pm:
I really wanted to go out, but I’m too tired now and I’m already in my pajamas with ice-cream so let’s do it another time.
#everyday
(While putting together his Student of the Week poster)
Me: So what if the kids ask you why you don’t look like your brothers and sisters?
Danny (7): I’ll tell them, “It’s because we’re adopted, you dumbo.”
#classy #adoptioneducators
Me: We’re going to do something fun today! You guys get to be guinea pigs for a lady who is practicing teaching a class on nutrition for kids!
Bethany: Do we get costumes?
Me: What? No. Why?
Bethany: To be guinea pigs. How will we be guinea pigs without costumes?
#fairquestion
I understand that there’s no use crying over spilled milk, I’m just not sure what another appropriate reaction would be when your toddler pushes a full gallon off the kitchen table.
#goodthinghescute
Carrie (in her tiniest, whiniest voice): Give me milk!
Me: I don’t like that whiney voice. Can you ask more politely?
Carrie (in a deep, gravely, monster voice): WANT MILK PLEASE.
#Iloveher
Sign you’ve raised a lot of kids:
You know the magical moment when a potty-training child goes from just standing quietly beside you, to standing quietly beside you and getting ready to do some business in their pants.
#whyareyoustandinglikethat #NONONONONO #LetsgoPOTTY
So a guy who looked kind of shady was getting into his car next to me when I was getting my kids out of the van. I made them hurry into the store and then saw the guy had gotten back out of his car and was following me into the store. Obviously, I was starting to freak out a little. He then came right up to me and said, “Ma’am, you left your van door open.”
#Imajerk #andalsoforgetful
When you get sick of saying “Use your words” for the 5 millionth time in one day, you might just burst into song. And the song might sound like
“Talk to me Baby
Mommy’s gonna go crazy, crazy, uh-huh”
#cakebytheocean #whichisprobablywhatmytoddlerisaskingfor#notgonnahappen
Just when you think you’ve reached some kind of saturation point and are incapable of being annoyed by children, your toddler decides to sing a song she created where the only words are “Halloween, Halloween” to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”
#WHY #sendchocolate
I was driving by a house decorated for Halloween when I had a very vivid memory of the year (I was about 7) one of my adult neighbors decided to dress in a full gorilla suit and jump out at kids who rang the doorbell to trick or treat. He then chased those kids down the street. I can’t recall if he gave out candy after all that. I can recall that I was a child with weak bladder control. So what I’m saying is, I guess now we know why I’ve pretty much always been terrified of people in costumes.
Thanks, Red Ribbon Week, for inspiring my kids to accuse me of taking drugs because I drink coffee and it contains caffeine.
Parenting Idea for Next Year:
Throughout the year, collect toys when their batteries die and put them in a box. On Christmas Eve, replace all batteries. Christmas morning, present the toys back to the children.
#protip #savemoney #saveChristmas #savesanity