Joel (4): Carrie, you be the doctor and I’ll be your son. There is NO lava in this game.
My son participated in his choir concert with all the enthusiasm of a 50 year-old businessman at a 2 p.m. staff meeting.
#whywerehisarmscrossed #stillaproudmom#thingstoworkonbeforeshowchoirauditions #wishfulthinking
Me (thinking to myself): Maybe I should go back to work. Or school. My brain is atrophying. And I’m not even sure my kids care that I’m here. And they’re mostly raised right? What is the point of my life if I’m just stuck here in this house, not doing anything important?
Teddy (2): Bellybutton, Mom. (raises his shirt) Kiss it.
#nevermind #stayingathome #lovethislife #lovethatbelly #worthit
Joel (4): I did it, Mom! Mailed it!
Me: . . . And when you’re an adult there will probably be things you want to talk to us about that we did wrong when we were raising you.
Josh: Well, I don’t hate it yet!
I haven’t bathed a lot of cats in my lifetime, but I have had to send preteen boys to the shower which I think is mostly the same thing.
#Nooooooo #WHY #Idontwantto #HISSSSSSSS
Me: Carrie! Stop jumping on the piano bench. You’re going to hurt yourself!
Carrie (3): You not love me anymore, Mom?
#knifeintheheart #stillloveyou #butSTOP #toddlerguilttrips
Sometimes I tell The Baby to be quiet because I’m worried he’ll wake The Baby. . .
#wehavealotofkids #raisingbabiesforadecade #lastbaby
Josh (10): What’s that new superhero? Mr. Weird?
We moved The Baby to a toddler bed and he’s been rolling out in the night, crying, and having to be put back to sleep. So I put a pillow, blanket and a bear on the floor beside his bed and now even if he rolls out he doesn’t even wake up.
The boys just asked if they could watch “Ernest Saves Christmas.” I had honestly hoped I could go my whole life without watching an Ernest movie, but maybe that was too lofty of a goal.
Danny: Can I go in my room and get my toy?
Me: No, your brother is sleeping in there.
Danny: MOM. I’ll be as quiet as a chicken.
#arechickensquiet #wedontknow #citykids
Josh: What holiday is your favorite?
Me: I do really like Thanksgiving, but there were a lot of years where it was a really sad holiday for me.
Josh: Why were you sad at Thanksgiving?
Me: I had lots of things to be thankful for, but I really wanted to be a mom, so every year I would feel sad and empty. I would tell God that I would be so thankful if he could just let me have ONE child.
Danny: I think he heard you. A LOT.
Carrie (3): Mom? I watch Crusty the Snowman?
I would like to apologize in advance for whatever psychological damage I am doing to my son by singing Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” but changing it to “Joel-lee” and rewriting it about him.
Sign you’re raising a scientist: He bypasses all the superhero ornaments and asks for this set instead.
The dog is giving me a knowing look that makes me think maybe I shouldn’t be praising the toddler so much for finishing her dinner uncharacteristically quickly.
Carrie (3): Mom, Bethany is Anna and I’m Let It Go.
Joel (4): This year will you put an orange in the bottom of my. . . my. . . my socking?
#soclose #stocking #makessense
Sometimes when things are especially crazy here (as they often are), I make my best Jim Halpert face into the camera. . . and then I remember there is no camera and this is just my life.
Well, that quart of eggnog lasted less than 24 hours.