Just sent the four year-old out to check and see how slippery it was now that there’s some ice coming down. In retrospect, not my smartest parenting move.
#stepstepSLIP #OWMOM #itISslippery #sorrysosorry
Just heard my 7 year-old start a sentence to his friend with, “I was watching this documentary. . . ”
#mommysboy #soproud #icefishingdocumentaryFTW
Cookies are great and all, but here’s to the awesome neighbor who sent over pickle wraps.
Josh (10): So did I believe in Santa when I was little?
Me: No, we never told you Santa was real.
Josh: Never? So I didn’t believe in Santa even when I was a toddler? It’s like I missed out on the whole meaning of Christmas!
#Iquit #facepalm #SANTAISNOTTHEMEANINGOFCHRISTMAS
Me: That’s it. I’m done. I am not mediating one more argument for the next 15 minutes. You guys can all go do a time-out. Joel and Josh go lay on your beds, Bethany can go downstairs to the couch, and Danny can lay on my bed.
Neighbor Kid: So ahhh. . . where do you want me to do my time-out?
#lovemyneighbors #Illparentanybody #ittakesavillage
Me: If we did Christmas cards, I think I’d just put the classic lyric on them, “Me and Sloppy Joe got married. We’ve got six kids and we’re doing just fine.”
Husband: It’s not too late!
The two year-old yelled, “NO NOGGIN” at every headless mannequin in Target. So thanks for that, Curious George Halloween Special.
Having given birth to a baby on Christmas Eve through a pretty traumatic delivery, the focus on childbirth this time of year (EVERY YEAR) gives me all the feels.
#laboroflove #csectionmama #MarydidyouknowIdhaveChristmastrauma#lovemyChristmasBaby
Me: . . . and then Grandpa will retire. Do you know what that means?
Bethany (7): It means he doesn’t have to go to work anymore. . . unless he finds another job he likes better.
Me: Sort of. He’s been saving money all this time so that now he won’t have to go back to work again. EVER. He can travel with Grandma or come have lunch with you at your school or just do whatever he wants.
Bethany: Oh, he should come have lunch with me every day! He saved money so he can be done working now? He is pretty smart for a grandpa!
(after getting a free cookie from the grocery store)
Bethany: This cookie is delicious! I’m just so glad you adopted me, Mom.
#itsthelittlethings #Imgladtoo #loveher
I am zero percent surprised that a little boy would think a nice drum solo would be an appropriate gift for a newborn and his sleep deprived mom, but if there were any truth to that “Little Drummer Boy” song and Mary actually smiled at him after that interaction, we Protestants have some rethinking to do about our understanding of Mary. . .
You can keep your Christmas Card People conspiracy theories, I’m pretty sure this holiday was dreamed up by the Scotch Tape People.
#SOMUCHTAPE #NEVERENOUGHTAPE #backtoTargetwego
I’ve been listening to a lot of holiday music and I’m starting to wonder if people are confusing Santa and Cupid.
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Because Mommy buys your Christmas presents and when you do that stuff it really sucks the giving spirit out of her.
Carrie (3): What you making?
Me: This is our birthday cake for Jesus.
Carrie: Jesus going to eat it?
Me: No, we’ll eat it for him for his birthday.
Carrie: Jesus going to be angry?
#Iquit #Jesuslikestoshare #HappyBirthdayJesus
A child of mine just ate a cupcake in the bath. These are the moments I commit to memory in case I ever start to become one of those judgey moms. . .
Can we all agree that the bad dreams of our childhood are nothing compared to the bad dreams of adulthood? I would take a monster under the bed any day over this nonsense.
#cantfindmybaby #awkwardruninwitholdboyfriend #notpreparedforwork#nopantsatchurch #everyonehatesmeIdontknowwhy
All we really want is for someone to look at us like Dick Van Dyke looks at Julie Andrews.
Sometimes I think I’m a decently intelligent human. And then sometimes I look at my X-ray at the chiropractor’s office and wonder how come you can see my c-section scar.
Sometimes the timer rings and I have no idea if it’s related to food I put in the oven, the end of someone’s turn on the iPad, or it’s time to get someone out of time-out.