I love it when you’re feeling mostly dead (but trying to parent) and your husband is trying to pep talk you into being well and he ends up unintentionally sounding exactly like Andre the Giant.
Josh (10): I know that guy! It’s Captain. . . Captain. . . Captain Plasma!
Husband: I. have. failed.
#soclose #CaptainPicard #SciFiFamily
Walked into the room and saw the 7 year-old was reading to my husband who was fast asleep. My how the tables have turned. . .
Bethany: Can I have the blue hamper?
Me: Sure, but why?
Bethany: It reminds me of the water Jesus was baptized in.
“And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.”
#TRUTH #mosthonestholidaysong #weALLneedstructure
Glitter Play-doh? It’s like the people who invent this stuff have never played with actual children.
#Playdoheverywhere #glittereverywhere #alltheworstmessesinone
Would it be easier to just put the plate in the dishwasher instead of hunting down the child and badgering him into coming down to do it himself? Yes. But we’re raising future husbands. Our daughters-in-law will thank us.
Carrie (3): Mom, my floor all clean! I mow it now?
#soclose #vacuum #mommyshelper
By the time I got the last kid all dressed in her snow clothes, the first kid was ready to come back inside and needed help getting the snow clothes off. I think I’m going to cry.
#Iquit #whyIgetnothingdone #40minutesofdealingwithgloves
But really, this is me watching my boys talk to girls.
Preschool Teacher: Are you excited about preschool?
Joel: Poop poop poop.
#whenkidsgetnervous #boys #WHY
After dinner I watch the 7 year-old sweep the kitchen while the other 7 year-old washes dishes, the 10 year-old unloads and then reloads the dishwasher and the 5 year-old tidies the living room. How does she do it? She doesn’t. She teaches them how to do it. It’s harder at first, but makes life much easier in the long run.
I put the good chocolate in my Unmentionables Drawer because that’s the only place my kids won’t feel free to look through.
Josh: I thought this would be gross, but I actually liked it!
At this point I think I might just be playing a game of Christmas Light Chicken with my across the street neighbor.
#whowilltakethemdownfirst #procrastinatorsunite #sorryotherneighbors
Josh (10): Joel, when you’re at preschool, don’t say ANY bathroom words or you’ll have to go to the Safe Seat. That’s going to be hard because we taught you A LOT of bathroom words. . . Danny, maybe that wasn’t a good idea. . .
Sometimes I’m all, “Oh, these days go by so fast! I’m just going to sit here and snuggle these precious kids.” and then I remember I’m the mom and if I don’t make dinner we’ll all starve.
TOMS = slippers it’s acceptable to wear in public
cardigan = bathrobe it’s acceptable to wear in public
yoga pants/leggings = pajama pants that are acceptable to wear in public
I’m not sure if this is the end of the feminine graces as we know them or the beginning of a magical wonderland unspoiled by the patriarchy. Either way, I think I’m good.
Sometimes I can tell if a mom has a lot of boys. The giveaway is when she’s pouring her coffee and she unknowingly makes sound effects to go along with it.
(3 year-old is brushing my hair and accidentally hits me in the nose with the brush)
Carrie: Mom, you be brave. Be brave like me.
Million Dollar Idea: Target needs to have some kind of sit down restaurant inside their store so now all of us can make date night outings more efficient.
#yourewelcome #onetripinsteadoftwo #whydoalldatesendatTarget