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Dear TOMS,
Thanks for essentially being slippers it is socially acceptable to wear in public.
When I get to heaven there are a lot of important, deep things I want to ask God about. But when we’re done with that, I’d like to ask him if he kept track of how many fingernails and toenails I’ve clipped over the years. I think it’s a lot. Anybody else have random questions they’re saving up for heaven?
#23kids1dog #SOMANYNAILS
If the kids get ready for bed with minimal drama, they get to pick the bedtime story (The BFG). If they are ridiculous, I get to pick the bedtime story (Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Peacock Feather).
#protip
“Lord of all pots and pans and things. . . Make me a saint by getting meals and washing up the plates!” -Brother Lawrence
Nurse: And you have kids?
Me: Yes. I have six.
Nurse: SIX? You do know what causes that, right?
Me: Yep. Foster care, adoption and miracle pregnancies.
Nurse:. . . Well, okay then.
#askanawkwardquestion #getanawkwardanswer
Josh (9): “Mom, I want to make a youtube video of me solving the Rubik’s cube so other kids can see brown hands doing it.”
#racialmirroring #lovehim #bethechange
Me: How was school?
Bethany: It was great! Except one of my friends had to go home because he threw up.
Me: Oh, that’s sad.
Bethany: Yeah and then I had to go to the nurse because, you know, he threw up on my dress. DON’T WORRY! They mostly washed it off.
–Things I wish they’d tell you BEFORE you hugged them.–
Toddler came sliding into the room, curls flying, yelling “WHOA!” And that was the moment I realized I am basically raising a toddler girl version of Kramer.
#giddyup
I like to let the kids eat graham crackers in my bed because then I can combine sleeping with a gentle, full body exfoliation that night.
#sarcasm
The Youngest toddles over to me and gives me a casual, “Hi Baby.”
#awkward #Babyproblems #charmer
Child: . . . and a china.
Me: Not china, it’s vagina. VA-Gina.
Child (eye roll, deep sigh): Sorry. THE Gina.
#soclose
I’m pretty sure my love language is Food I Didn’t Cook.
#momconfession
Sometimes I think, “It’s was just so great to talk to. . . Wait? Who was I talking to? They were so interesting and I lost all track of time and. . . oh wait, I wasn’t talking to anyone. I was reading.”
Bethany figured out she can be president, but her big brother can’t (because he wasn’t born in the US). This has become her trump card in arguments, which is equally obnoxious and adorable.
#advantagelittlesister
The four year-old asked me when he gets to meet his birthmom and was miffed when I reminded him that I AM his birthmom.
#adoptivefamilyproblems
“We’re going on a trip
Watch me Nae Nae,
Watch me Whip”
–Josh
(What happens when big brother watches “Little Einsteins”.)
Josh: Mom, why do they call it a Baby Shower when nobody even showers at it?
Me: It’s just a way of saying you’re going to shower them with love and with presents.
Josh: Oh. So they sit in the middle and you drop presents on their head?
#boys #soclose
The First Grader convinced me to put our name in the drawing to take home the class fish at the end of the year. If we win, the kids will be thrilled. If we don’t, I will be thrilled. I’m choosing to consider this a win/win situation.
#momconfession
The Toddler is playing a game she created called, “Bye Mom” where she walks up to me and tearfully says, “Bye Mom” gives me a kiss, then shakes my hand, sadly slumps her shoulders and slowly walks away occasionally saying, “Bye Mom” over her shoulder. Then she turns around, walks back to me and does it again. So I’m basically an emotional mess until she decides she’s bored of this game and goes back to her usual morning routine of throwing cars down the stairs.
My accident-prone, tone challenged child brought home a permission slip asking if he could play the viola. I’m not saying this is a bad idea, I just can’t think of a worse one. . .
#breakseverything #Ithoughttherecorderwasbad
Carrie (2): ME DO IT!
Me: Not “me do it.” You say, “I will do it.”
Carrie: You do it?
. . .sigh. . .
#whosonfirst
You know, if using a pen to color on a Cheez-It will make her happy and quiet for five minutes, I’m just done trying to fight it.
#pickyourbattles #nothurtinganybody
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