A Musing Maralee

December 28, 2011
by Maralee
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“Mommy, I don’t think those doctors knew that God was here”

I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’m not the most emotional woman. Maybe it’s a coping skill I learned to help me survive our five years as houseparents in a boys’ home or maybe it started even earlier as a response to having a mother with a definite flair for the dramatic. All I know is that it takes a lot to make me cry, but Josh managed to do just that.

It all started as we were doing some organizing down in the basement. Josh saw the tower of storage tubs and asked me, “Mommy, what are all those?” I told him, “Those are tubs of the clothes you’ve outgrown. We save them so Danny can wear them and when he outgrows them, they will go to your new baby brother.” Josh thought about that and asked, “And then they will go to another new baby? A new one in your tummy?” I was a little taken aback by that question. I said “. . . Well. . . we might have more foster babies, but there probably won’t be any new babies in my tummy. We went to doctors who said they didn’t think we could have any babies in my tummy. This one was a big surprise, just like when you talked about Abraham and Sarah and Isaac in your Sunday School class.” Josh looked at me seriously and said, “Mommy, I don’t think those doctors knew that God was here.”
And this is when a normally stoic mommy cries. Just a little. Josh is so right that for the rest of our lives, this baby will be a sign to our family that God was here. That God IS here. It is beautiful to me that when my children are tempted to doubt God or find God asking big things of them, they will be able to remember a time when a miracle happened in our own home. While ours may be a particularly vivid example, I think all families can think of a time when God has shown up in your home and it’s so important that we verbalize those moments for our kids to help grow their faith. You never known when they will tell that story back to you in your moment of doubt. And you may find yourself crying, too. Just a little.

December 21, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on The UPS man is better than Santa

The UPS man is better than Santa

We have chosen not to place too much emphasis on Santa Claus in our house, but I know my kids fully believe in the UPS man. He comes in a distinctive uniform and delivers gifts to my good little boys and girl, usually leaving them on the porch when we’re least expecting it. Who wouldn’t love that guy? I’m thinking we need to find some kind of figurine of a UPS man to decorate our house with to remind the kids who really brings the gifts around here. You wouldn’t believe the excitement when the kids look out the window and see that brown truck pulling up.

Of course, the UPS man isn’t delivering gifts because the kids have been good. He’s doing it because Nana and Papa in South Carolina are sending these great boxes of goodies for their beloved grandkids. Just the other night I put some presents under our Christmas tree when our five year-old Josh saw them and yelled, “Santa Claus came! Santa Claus came!” I asked him, “Josh, where do you think those gifts really came from?” and he told me, “Nana and Papa” and then went right back to yelling, “Santa Claus came!”

It made me think about how often I focus on the gifts in my life instead of on the Giver of those good gifts. I get so much joy from my precious kids, my great extended family and friends and the material blessings God has chosen to give us. I want to remember to be giving God credit for the beauty He has brought into my life instead of just getting overly busy, especially during this time of the year. In the same way my kids have to be reminded to thank Nana and Papa instead of just the man who delivers the gifts, I have to remember that every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.

December 14, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Tell me you love me or go sit in time-out

Tell me you love me or go sit in time-out

There are some parenting moments that just plain feel wrong. Have you ever had to remind a child to say “thank you for the meal” after dinner? Shouldn’t they just thank you because they’re grateful without having to be forced? It feels even a step more awkward when you have to teach a toddler to respond to being told “I love you” by saying, “I love you, too”. It has felt so odd to me to say to my child, “Now, tell Mommy you love me.” I’m not saying I’m proud of it, but in a moment where a child wasn’t able to obey on this topic I have been known to say, “You need to tell Mommy you love her or go sit in time-out.” I know that my kids need to learn to be polite and responsive and I really have no doubt about their love for me, but how sincere does it seem in that moment?

This is another of those times when parenting has helped me understand a little better why God has designed things the way He has. I remember at the Christian college I attended there was great debate about why God gave us free will. Why doesn’t He just make everybody love Him? I think the people engaging in that debate probably hadn’t experienced the difference between a forced declaration of love and the ones that spring from the heart. As frustrating as it can be to teach a child to express their love, I am so blessed that now my son Josh will say to me about ten times each day, “Mommy can I tell you something? I just love you.” It is so sincere and unprovoked and comes directly from his tender heart. I can see so many ways that through the teaching of my parents when I was very small I was taught to love God even before it came spontaneously or naturally. Now I can’t hold it back when I see His hand at work in my life. I’m so glad He’s given me the free-will and grace to love Him and to teach my kids to do the same.

December 7, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on When I grow up I want to be like Danny

When I grow up I want to be like Danny

I cannot help but love the enthusiasm with which my two year-old, Danny, approaches life. At the county fair this summer we took him to see the duck races which combined two of his favorite things- water and animals. As the ducks took off on the first race I turned to see how Danny was enjoying watching and instead found him with his shirt half off, preparing to jump the fence to get in with the ducks. This child races at life with arms wide open. He is absolutely fearless.

As much as this particular personality trait can drive a cautious mother bananas, I have to admire his spunk. I can’t wait to see how God is going to use a man who is so passionate about life and experiences things so intensely. Of course, right now it is my job to help Danny channel his passion into appropriate areas: frustration because he wanted to help me put away the laundry but he’s not big enough to open the top dresser drawer? Understandable. Frustration and a crying fit because he isn’t able to catch the squirrels in the backyard? We have to work on that.

I hope when God looks at me he sees a woman with spunk. I am learning to be less controlled by fear and more willing to express my passion for the topics God has given me a heart for. I want to be willing to jump that fence and splash in the duck pond of whatever God calls me to do, even if it might make me seem a little crazy. I know God will bless me for it. And I know Danny will be cheering me on.

December 5, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Shock and Awe (positive pregnancy test)

Shock and Awe (positive pregnancy test)

As the Christmas season draws nearer, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about a woman who was miraculously pregnant with an unexpected son and anticipating her first experience with birth. If I wanted you to think I was holier than I am, I’d tell you I’ve been thinking about Mary. The truth is, I’ve been thinking about myself. I feel sad for this child who may be born on Christmas and forever be forced to combine his two present-getting days into one, but as I anticipate his arrival it has given me a new perspective on Mary’s mother heart.

In the days before my positive pregnancy test, I would have told you that should God bless me with the ability to carry a child to term, I would enthusiastically embrace it. Having waited so many years for that experience, of course that would be my reaction. Right? In reality, I was so shocked by the thought of pregnancy and the kind of havoc that was going to wreak on my very busy life that I forgot to be joyful. I wish I had been more like Mary who when told about her unplanned pregnancy responded with total trust in God’s plan. Instead, I have more in common with Zechariah who when informed that he and his long-barren wife would have a son responded with such shock that God dealt with his disbelief by making him silent for the duration of the pregnancy. I’m sure there are days my husband wouldn’t have minded that too much just so I’d quit bothering him about baby names or the nuances of cloth diapers versus disposables.

Although in those first moments shock may have outweighed my joy, I now have a thankfulness that this perfect timing was all part of God’s plan. And next time God changes the direction I thought my life was heading, I want to echo Mary’s words- “I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

December 1, 2011
by Maralee
1 Comment

Kids can’t behave at the doctor’s office

My kids are getting much better about their public behavior. I’m starting to think I can reenter polite society one of these days. As much as they have improved, there is still one place I dread taking them- the doctor’s office. For some reason in that tiny room their worst behavior comes out in front of the one person who has a ten minute window to evaluate how I’m doing at keeping them safe and healthy. At our last visit while I was distracted talking to the doctor, my two year-old managed to sneak into my purse, find a forgotten bag of M&Ms from Easter and crawl under a chair to devour them. Then there was the time while waiting in the room my kids managed to booby-trap the area in front of the door with Matchbox cars so the doctor nearly tripped when she walked in. But nothing matches the humiliation of the time I had apparently over prepared my son for what might be required in his physical exam. As soon as the first nurse walked in the room to get his height and weight he immediately dropped his pants. When we were preparing to leave she said, “I’ve already told all the other nurses. That was the funniest thing that’s happened here in a long time.” It’s amazing how often my kids get that kind of reaction.

I wish I didn’t feel this need to present a perfect picture of my abilities as a parent. I’m sure the doctor sees this level of crazy pretty regularly, but I really want her to think I know what I’m doing.

So is this the way I respond to the Lord? I know He knows me- my faults and failings included- and yet I want to present this perfect picture to Him about how I’ve got it all together. This becomes a roadblock to honest prayer and keeps me from seeking out accountability when I need it. I take comfort in the words of Jesus that, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” I want to be humble enough to acknowledge to The Great Physician exactly where I need help.

November 21, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Around here we only talk about hot dogs

Around here we only talk about hot dogs

I have to admit that for about two months this summer I was under the impression that my little son was a little odd. Out of the blue he started pointing to unfamiliar objects and yelling, “At dat”. This sounded just like his word for hot dog and I had some strong concerns about a child who thought every new item in his world was a hot dog. I found myself saying fifty times a day, “Yes, I know you like hot dogs”, but I was getting worried. I don’t know why it took me so long, but I finally figured he wasn’t saying hot dog at all, he was asking, “What’s that?” The poor kid! All this time I had thought he was going to have some serious trouble communicating, but it was ME that was being a terrible listener. Once we got that miscommunication figured out he’s had a bit of a language explosion. I still feel bad that for two months I reinforced to him that about 80% of the things in our home were called, “hot dog” before I figured it out.

It’s made me wonder how often when dealing with other people I’m assuming I understand what they’re going through without really pursuing the heart of the matter. Is it possible that a friend who comes to me with a problem needs me to just listen instead of thinking I probably already have a good handle on what’s bothering them and what they can do to fix it? What if instead of offering trite solutions I learned to be a better listener? In James we are reminded to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. Am I doing this for my friends? My kids? My husband? If I truly want to understand someone and love them better, I have to learn to listen with a patient heart of compassion. And if all they wanted to do was talk about hot dogs, I’m okay with that, too.

November 14, 2011
by Maralee
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Knowing our limitations

As I have entered my third trimester of pregnancy while also parenting three little ones, one of my hardest jobs has been learning my limitations. I’ve found myself giggling as people ask, “So are you taking some time to put your feet up?” It’s an idea that’s hard for me to even imagine. Yet as I try during nap time to squeeze in just one game of what can I pick up off the floor just by using my toes since I can’t bend over anymore, I am learning my body can’t keep going at the frantic pace that has been my normal life and I have to accept there are some things I can’t do.

I’ve been thankful to have two excellent little teachers on this topic. Just this last week my two year-old son looked at the mug I carry around with me in the mornings and said, “Mommy! Coffee!” with such excitement and then with sadness declared himself, “too tiny”. A coffeeless childhood is a limitation I have placed on my kids and as disappointing as it is, they have learned to accept it as for their good. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing a few months ago as I watched Josh really getting into building with some Duplo blocks. I said to him, “You’re doing great with those! Maybe it’s time for us to buy you some Legos” to which he answered, “No, I’d probably just put them in my mouth and choke on them.” Now there is a boy who knows his limitations!

We can put such a high value on not accepting limitations, pressing past them and not wanting to believe that we can’t do everything we want to do. I am learning that my limitations can be God’s gift to me as I accept that rest is good for me, take comfort in His strength instead of my own, and then experience the joy that follows.

November 7, 2011
by Maralee
1 Comment

The day I became a mom

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. The first Sunday in November is a time some churches have designated “Orphan Sunday” and the third Saturday in November is when courts across the country will open just for the purpose of finalizing and celebrating the adoptions of children out of foster care. As blessed as I feel to now carry a child through pregnancy, I know that when this baby is born it will not make me a mother. That happened in September of 2007 when I flew half-way around the world to hold a child who was once called an orphan in my arms.

I will never forget sitting in a hot, dimly-lit office in Liberia. The orphanage director told us we wouldn’t be getting our son until the following day, but I guess she had a change of heart. While we were sitting in her office discussing Liberian politics, she quietly excused herself and came back in the room holding the tiniest baby boy. She said, “Do you recognize this little guy?” Did we recognize him? We’d been showing his picture to our friends and family for seven months while we waited for the documents to get filed so that we could come pick him up. I couldn’t believe I was seeing him face to face. He didn’t cry as she handed him to me, but seemed to be studying my face. I held him at arms length because I wanted to see every little inch of him. I remember saying, “We’ve prayed for you for so long and here you are.” The orphanage director leaned over to me and said, “He’s telling you ‘hold me, Ma!’”. I pulled him to my chest and wept. The journey to parenthood that had started with an infertility diagnosis and then continued through the highs and lows of adoption decisions, paperwork, and three little boys we were told would become our sons but whose mothers’ changed their minds, had now culminated in this moment when an orphan became a son and a barren woman became a mother. I remember asking the orphanage director, “Can we keep him?” I just couldn’t believe he was ours.

Joshua has changed my life in so many ways, especially in what the word “orphan” means to me. The child who holds my hand each day, who brings me so much joy was once an orphan before God brought him into my life. As we celebrate Adoption Awareness Month, I have so much thankfulness for this child who initiated me into the world of adoption and motherhood and who has made me understand how God expresses His love by adopting me.

November 1, 2011
by Maralee
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Faith and finances

In my perfect world I’d be doing a better job teaching my four year-old how to handle money. He understands that we only buy the name-brand fruit snacks when they have the sale sticker underneath them, which is a starting point. Although I really wish he’d quit announcing to every stranger in the grocery store, “We only have enough money to buy Toy Story snacks if they’re on SALE.” I really admire those parents who give their kids an allowance and help them divide it up into saving, spending, and tithing. I intend to do that as the kids get older, but right now I find myself reaching into my purse for lose change as the offering plate comes by so Josh has something to add. It costs him nothing, but I see he agonizes a bit about having to part with it.

A couple weeks ago he whispered to me, “Mommy, when do we get that back?” I started to tell him that we don’t get that money back, but I realized that wasn’t entirely true. It required more whispering than I generally like to do in church, but I explained that God can use that money however He wants and we have seen how God does give that money back in ways we never anticipated.

In 2005 Brian and I were struggling to figure out how we could afford to pay for an international adoption while working as houseparents at a Christian children’s home. Had we made a mistake to take this job that wouldn’t provide the money we needed to become parents? We were shocked when friends of ours who weren’t financially better off than we were gave us money from a recent inheritance that covered the majority of our adoption costs. Their explanation- “God told us to give this to you”. Without that gift we wouldn’t have been able to pursue our adoption. It is impossible to fully express what a blessing that was and we trust that God will reward them for their obedience and sacrifice. Having been so blessed to receive, we consider it a blessing to give and want to teach our kids to do the same. We never know whose life it may change.