Welcome to my circus.

February 24, 2013
by Maralee
4 Comments

A Life in Status- February 2013, #4

(You can find me here if you’re feeling adventurous)

Josh: Mom, do you think there are any rollercoasters that jump?
Me: No, I don’t think so.
Josh: I bet God could make one.
Me: Maybe there will be one in heaven.
Josh: Oh, (giggling) I’ve got to be SO GOOD.
Probably not theologically sound, but if it keeps him from fighting with his brother today I’ll take it.

I’m pretty sure I could reconstitute an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the remnants I just wiped off the walls.

I’m making President’s Day festive by eating off our special Happy Birthday plate. Happy birthdays, Lincoln and Washington! (On an unrelated note, I have managed to put off doing dishes so long that there are no regular plates left to use in the house. . . )

Josh: Mom, I have too many M&Ms. I’m going to go put some under your pillow for when you get hungry in the night.
He knows me too well.

I think The Baby has a future as a pastor- at least if he baptizes people half as enthusiastically as he “baptized” his teddy bear in the toilet.

Josh: Daddy, tonight so you don’t have to steal my candy after I go to bed, I already put some under your pillow.
#bestkidever

Three of my children can’t sleep without their favorite stuffed animals. One of my children sleeps with an encyclopedia of dinosaurs. It makes me wonder when he’s an adult and we say, “We should have seen this coming” what exactly will we be referring to?

The Baby is no longer taking a morning nap. Somehow mornings are now feeling approximately 6 hours longer and half as productive.

My husband just got back from observing a foster parent training event. He said upon hearing his name a woman he’d never met said, “Your wife wrote the best thing about breastfeeding.” Highlight of my week to hear that. . . And I would have loved to have seen the look on Brian’s face trying to think of a response to that.

I’m pretty sure “well-child checks” are a scam pediatricians use to infect you with the flu so you have to come back for another appointment with your sick kid ten days later. Works. every. time.

Danny: Mommy, I need hot cocoa- I go outside, I super cold, I have boogers.
I can find no flaw with this argument and I am now making hot cocoa.
#4yearoldlogic

When I’m tempted to just clean the toothpaste out of the sink myself because it would be easier, I’m reminded that I’m raising future husbands. Their future wives owe me one.

I’m pretty sure all contestants on “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” are contractually obligated to say:
1) I never knew I could have such strong feelings for two people.
2) This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life.
3) I had to follow my heart.
4) I never wanted to hurt you/him/her/anyone.
Any phrase I left out?

Signs you are not a great housekeeper- every time you go to mop you realize you don’t know where you keep the mop.

Things I didn’t anticipate hearing my three year-old daughter say #275: Daddy, help! The Mighty Thor is trapped in my guitar!

Nothing like watching your child pick his nose with the lightsaber on his jedi action figure.

 

February 21, 2013
by Maralee
11 Comments

Transcript of a Snow Day

This is the transcript of a meeting I’m pretty sure took place in the middle of the night between my four children:  Josh (age 6), Danny (age 4), Bethany (age 3) and Joel (13 months). I hope you find it much funnier than I did.

Josh:  Okay, everybody we already got the call and it appears I will be home all day tomorrow because of the impending snowstorm. So, let’s do some planning. Who would like to take the first shift?

Danny:  I’ll handle 3 a.m. I’ll start by roaming around the house for no apparent reason and then I’ll pitch a fit when somebody tries to put me back in bed. I’ll repeat that routine around 6:30.

Josh: Great work. Who’ll go next?

Joel:  I think I can work up a really nice morning poop. We did have corn with dinner and I’ve gotten pretty good at pulling poop-covered corn kernels out of my diaper and throwing them around the room. I’ll also be sure and smash some into my teddy bear’s fur so I’ll be guaranteed to cry all morning while its being washed.

Josh:  Perfect. Bethany, what are you going to contribute to the morning?

Bethany:  I’ve decided that whatever question they ask me in the morning, I’ll say “no”, cry and run away.

Josh:  But what if they’re just asking what you’d like for breakfast?

Bethany:  Even if. I am that level of committed to this plan.

Josh:  Sounds good. I will plan on crying at the breakfast table because I can’t sit in the same chair as Danny. Then I’ll say I have something in my eye and run around the house stomping and crying and insisting all the lights get turned out until the thing is out of my eye. Who’s up next?

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February 21, 2013
by Maralee
42 Comments

A Gift for YOU from Kashoan

IT’S OUR FIRST GIVEAWAY!!

(Giveaway is completed- come see our winners over here)

Valentine’s Day for the busy Mom-  You make your child sign and address 25 Valentine’s, try to manage the post-Valentine sugar insanity, make the heart-shaped meatloaf (nothing says love like a loaf of meat in the shape of a heart. . . at least if you’re my boys), and spend all evening doing the dishes just to gratefully climb into your pajamas at 8:30 so you can eat some microwaved tater tots and watch TV with your husband.  Romance?  I remember the days.

Which is why I loved the gift that came in the mail for me!  My friend Kashoan at KraftyKash made me something special- a necklace.  I’ve received several necklaces from Kashoan in the past.  Last Christmas Brian bought me four necklaces- one for each of our kids.  Each necklace was so special- two had Bible passages connected to our kids and two were atlas pendants with special places to our kids.  And the best part- they aren’t just sentimental and beautiful, they are STURDY!  Very important when you’re raising kids who think a piece of jewelry is just a toy Mom hangs around her neck.  So when Kashoan asked me about a special word or place for this next necklace, I knew just what I wanted.

Toccoa.

tocoa_2
(Here’s a picture of Brian and me from our college’s Christmas Banquet when I was 18 and Brian was 20.  And my new pretty necklace! Photo by Rebecca Tredway)

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February 20, 2013
by Maralee
Comments Off on What people say when you aren’t around

What people say when you aren’t around

Have you ever wondered how people might describe you when you aren’t around?  I thought about this the other day when I took my three little ones to the grocery store.  Usually my oldest son Josh is with us, but today he was at school while we went.  When we got to the bakery section where they give cookies to the kids the bakery lady was handing out frosted pumpkin sugar cookies-Josh’s favorite.  She looked around our little crew and said, “Oh no! The excited one isn’t here!” Josh makes a name for himself wherever we go.  And as descriptions go “the excited one” is pretty accurate for Josh.  He is passionate about just about everything in life, including grocery shopping trips and sugar cookies.  He is always so grateful and happy when his favorite cookies are being handed out and that joy is pretty contagious.

As a parent, there are so many lessons I work to teach my kids.  They come to us knowing just about nothing and needing so much direction and instruction, but this is an area where I want to learn from Josh.  When I’m not around, I hope people describe me as somebody who is excited about life, who is friendly and encouraging.  I hope whatever my personality might be like, people feel Christ’s love and joy when they are with me.  And I hope that as we are parenting our children we are looking for the ways they are teaching us, too.  Their passion for life can be an inspiration to us all.

February 18, 2013
by Maralee
37 Comments

Proud Breastfeeding Mom- you might be doing it wrong

I remember the first time I saw it.  It was about five years ago and it was printed on a bumper sticker proudly displayed on the minivan in front of me.  “I make milk.  What’s your super power?”  I had to resist my initial urge to pull up beside the driver, roll down my window and yell, “I grow hair!  Any other traits of being mammals we’d like to claim as our super powers today?”  I was so irritated.  Of course, my irritation stemmed mainly from the fact that I really would have liked to be able to make milk.  Maybe not at that exact moment, but as an adoptive mother I was well aware of the high cost of formula and the health benefits of “nature’s perfect food”.  I was also well aware of the many ways in which my body had failed me over the years- in the areas of reproduction and even milk-making I felt like less than a woman.  This bumper sticker wasn’t helping.  Yes- you women who can breastfeed, you aren’t just functional, YOU are SUPER!  Why couldn’t being able to successfully breastfeed be its own reward without having to shout from the rooftops how incredible you are?  It’s a lesson I’m still trying to understand.  (And don’t get me started on the Fertile Myrtle domestic goddesses who feel compelled to claim, “I’m so crafty I make people”.)

I ran into those feelings again when a friend posted an article on Facebook about how bottle-fed babies are more likely to become smokers than breastfed babies.  For the life of me I can’t figure out how in a person’s lifetime of experience it is possible to narrow down their risk factors to just whether or not they were breastfed.  And I said as much in a comment along with how irritated I was that apparently all my love, instruction and modeling were going to be wasted since my child was now obviously going to become a degenerate because he wasn’t breastfed.  My friend said something very insightful in return.  She said, “I think we breastfeeding moms post this kind of stuff because we’re trying to convince ourselves all the hard work and self-sacrifice are worth it.”  That I understand.

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February 17, 2013
by Maralee
Comments Off on A Life in Status- February, 2013 #3

A Life in Status- February, 2013 #3

(Come join us over here)

I may not be the breadwinner of our family, but I am the one who does the Subway survey so we get a free cookie.

I’m cleaning my house with about the same products that are in your average salad dressing.
Being a hipster is weird.

Not that I really need to know, but if perchance you were a thirteen month-old baby, where would you (hypothetically speaking, of course) have put my phone? Thoughts?

Watching your child throw-up is kind of like getting a disgusting peek at your future. You start to evaluate every food decision based on how it will go coming back up.

We’re on our second illness in three weeks. I’m contemplating collecting the stuffed animals and going all “Velveteen Rabbit” on them. You know- bag them up, burn them and tell the kids they finally became “real” and they’re running around the backyard. Good plan?

I’m starting to wish they made a Germ-X mouthwash.

You know it’s been awhile since you cleaned the bathtub when you seriously consider getting out the metal scrubber you use on the pots and pans to deal with the grime.

When you’re up from 3-4 a.m. with a sick child watching nature documentaries you are likely to think things like- “Hmmmmm, I am really not okay with gorillas running around with no pants on.” By the light of day, I’m actually not that upset by it.

I did not hand-make my child’s school Valentines. I am not planning on making any heart-shaped foods today or decorating any cupcakes with candy hearts. My house has not one construction paper heart or glittery cupid hung up. I love my husband and kids, but I am a walking #Pinterestfail. Who’s with me?

My daughter just told me she can’t wait to turn five because then, “I be pour my own KETCHUP! On my PLATE!” It’s the little things.

I currently have a baby imprint on my shirt- questionable wet spot where I carry him on my hip, oatmeal on my sleeve, drool on my chest, snot on my shoulder.

The boys will soon be sharing a room again. I told Josh we needed to find Danny a Star Wars blanket so they could match. Josh said, “But he loves dinosaurs. He needs a dinosaur blanket.” I am now franticly scouring etsy to find some kind of boys decor involving t-rexes with lightsabers.

Who to be frustrated at- the child who left the bathroom door open or the baby who took that opportunity to throw the decorative soap into the toilet?

Daughter: Mommy, I super sick.
Me: I know, Sweetie. So you can pick whatever movie you want while you’re on the couch.
Daughter: What I WANT? Not my brothers pick?! I piiiiiiiiiiick. . . . “Godzilla”!
#thatsmygirl #girlswithbrothers

Nothing helps you realize how white and inhibited you are like watching your multi-racial children have a dance party.

I’ve always found a special joy in seeing my kids light up when they hear music from their birth cultures. I just didn’t realize that would happen the first time The Baby heard Brad Paisley.
#daddyssouthernbaby

February 15, 2013
by Maralee
3 Comments

Breastfeeding Perspectives- Adoptive Breastfeeding

Here are the stories of two women who were willing to share about their experiences adoptive breastfeeding.  You can find some introductory info about them here.  I hope this is informational and encouraging!

Why did you decide to try breastfeeding your adopted child?
Bryonie: I would love to say it was primarily because I wanted my son to have the best nutrition and the fastest attachment to me. That was only a part of it. I really wanted the experience!
Samantha: I have always wanted to be one of those breastfeeding, baby-wearing mamas. When my husband and I began making steps toward adoption five years after struggling with infertility, my desire to breastfeed my future children was still there. I actually had never heard of adoptive breastfeeding until the required pre-adoption training my agency held. I remember feeling shocked and really excited over the possibility.

Where did you go for help/resources?
Bryonie: I read whatever I could find online. Several of our adoption books had small sections about adoptive breastfeeding as did What to Expect. There is a lot of help available, but it’s interesting that nearly everyone qualified their advice with, “This might work, but it might not, so don’t get your heart set on it.”
Samantha: I have spent hours upon hours researching adoptive breastfeeding online. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to in person, so blogs and adoption forums were very helpful to me.

What has been the biggest benefit of breastfeeding your adopted child?
Bryonie: There is no doubt that it fostered a bond between us from the very earliest hours of Judah’s life. I know he got a good amount of breastmilk along with his formula, which is always a plus. But now that I have a second adopted baby – a little girl that I was not able to breastfeed – it makes me wonder how much of a difference the breastfeeding really made. I already have a powerful bond with this new little one, now four months old.
Samantha: When my husband and I decided to adopt from foster care, I began to research adoptive nursing for toddlers. The chances were, we would be adopting a toddler, not a newborn like I had originally thought. But I was determined to know IF it was done and then HOW it was done. What I found was a community of adoptive parents that support breastfeeding, even if the child they are welcoming home is 1, 2, 3, or even 4 years old. My daughter came home as a newly turned 4 year old. She had been in foster care since she was 6 weeks old. The biggest benefit of breastfeeding with her was the bonding we both experienced. I saw such a change in her emotional connection to me. It was wonderful.

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February 14, 2013
by Maralee
1 Comment

Adoptive Breastfeeding- an introduction

So, what do you know about adoptive breastfeeding?  I remember the first time I ran into the concept prior to the adoption of our first child.  I was fascinated by it and wondered if maybe it would be worth trying.  When we brought home our little Liberian we had a lot to learn about being parents and a lot to learn about our son.  There was one fact about him he made amazingly clear- he was HUNGRY.  He was really tiny for his age and had been battling malaria and some digestion issues that meant he just wanted to eat and he desperately needed to put on weight.  If I wanted to bond with him, I needed to be the lady with the bottle.  He needed the security of having food constantly available and as I proved I could provide food I proved I could be trusted.  Any delay in feeding became a major ordeal, so we went with what was simple, what was familiar to him and what we knew would work- the bottle.  When you consider the urgency of feeding a baby who has been starving (for issues his loving nannies weren’t able to address), complicating things by trying to breastfeed really didn’t seem like a great idea.
My three adopted kids all came to me as babies (10 months, 10 days, 5 months) and their bonding processes have been beautiful and sweet, although they’ve had their complications.  Two of my adopted children came to us through the foster care system.  As their foster mother it seemed entirely inappropriate to try breastfeeding.  I was providing care for another woman’s child until the moment the adoptions were final.  At that point my kids were toddlers and our bonds were well established.  So while I am supportive of adoptive breastfeeding, it hasn’t been something I’ve really tried.
Adoptive breastfeeding is amazing.  It’s another proof that the female body is capable of much more than we may have imagined.  The more you learn about the powers of breastmilk and the bonding potential of breastfeeding, the more it seems like a goal worth pursuing.  But adoptive breastfeeding is complicated.  The materials you read will say that you will most likely never be capable of producing all the milk your baby needs, so you’ll have to supplement with formula.  You’ll potentially need medication, or herbal aids, supplemental nursing systems, along with all the usual nursing supplies and bottle feeding supplies.  For some moms this is worth it for the benefits of breastfeeding, particularly the bonding benefits and the opportunity to experience something that can feel like such a rite of passage into motherhood (womanhood, even!).
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February 13, 2013
by Maralee
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Breastfeeding Perspectives- Bottle-Feeding and Adoption

If you were part of my daily life, I’d be able to just preface this guest post by saying, “She needs no introduction”.  Since you aren’t necessarily hanging out with me enough to know her, I probably do actually have to give her an introduction.  This post is by my best friend, Rebecca.  She also does the majority of the photography you might run across on this blog.  Want to know how close we are?  When I found out I was pregnant I asked her to experience it with me, since we’d both been through infertility and miscarriages together.  She came to a midwife appointment with me and was there beside me in the hospital as I labored with my son.  She listened to me when I whined about breastfeeding and has been an incredible support in this adventure we call adoptive parenting.  She has truly, literally seen it all when it comes to me and my life and I’m so thankful for her love and input.

She writes beautiful things and takes beautiful pictures over at her blog and I’m so thankful she’s sharing her thoughts about bottle-feeding and adoption.  Take it away, Rebecca!

 

I grew up putting pillows underneath my shirts and pretending to be pregnant like many other little girls. My mom breastfed all three of us kids as did all other moms I remember–breastfeeding didn’t seem like anything special to me; it was just what you did. I’ve now come to realize this was an unusual thing during the 70’s and 80’s, to see breastfeeding as the norm. But that’s how I grew up. On the other hand, I don’t remember anyone getting too worked up about bottle-feeding either.

I also grew up loving the concept of adoption. My folks always talked of adopting or fostering, and though they didn’t do it, my husband and I started the process just a few years into our marriage. I had been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes during high school, which meant that though pregnancy was definitely possible it would also be a lot of hard work. I chose to put off pregnancy attempts in favor of adopting. (Years later, this seems a bit ironic as I now also deal with endometriosis and infertility!) As our adoption wait turned from one year into two, we began to consider trying to conceive. At the same time I began to experience joint pain and by the time we heard of a baby available for adoption, I was in a bad spot, pretty much crippled by arthritis (untreated) at age 26. To make a long story short, I began medical treatments for rheumatoid arthritis, consulted my rheumatologist for his approval, then launched headfirst into adopting our daughter. And we haven’t looked back.

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February 12, 2013
by Maralee
6 Comments

Breastfeeding Perspectives- Choosing to Bottle-feed

Today’s guest post is from my friend Barb.  I met Barb when I was doing an internship in college.  She was my boss and was full of wisdom.  Not only did she teach me a lot about writing, public relations, and office diplomacy, she was also kind of hilarious.  I remember her saying during one morning meeting, “I just feel fussy today.  Fussy like a baby.”  That imagery has always stuck with me and made me laugh.  Sometimes even as adults (moms even!) we just feel fussy- maybe not even for a particular reason.  So to this day I will tell my husband when I’m having a “fussy” day and think of Barb.

She had kids after I moved away and I remember my mom telling me she didn’t want to breastfeed (my parents were in a Bible study with Barb and her husband).  I knew her husband was a doctor, so I wondered how she came to that decision.  I never talked to her about it, but I’ve been blessed to touch base with her over the years and to see how healthy and happy her kids are and what a great mom she is.

So as I was putting together these breastfeeding posts, I really wanted to include Barb’s voice- the voice of a woman who weighed her options and chose to bottle-feed.  She was gracious enough to answer my questions and I was fascinated by her answers.  I love her confidence in her decision, the support she had from her husband, and how she valued her own needs because it’s easier to have happy kids when you’re a happy mom.  I hope you enjoy hearing from Barb.  I find her entirely delightful. . . even when she’s a little fussy.

 

At what point did you make the decision to bottle-feed?
I really never thought about it, my mom didn’t breastfeed (I have much younger siblings, so remember very well when they were born) and neither did my older sister. I was never really around it; and to be honest, I was very uncomfortable with the idea of it. Honestly, it wasn’t until I was pretty pregnant that the issue even came up between my husband and I. He assumed I would and I assumed I wouldn’t.

What factors did you consider when making your decision?
How I felt about it for me was a big one. Other people breastfeeding never bothered me, but when I thought about it for me, even the thought seemed very unnatural. We also considered the bonding issue between my husband and baby. He was able to get up in the night and bottle feed and really bonded with our son. I had post-partum depression with my first baby; and since I had my second baby less than a year later, the decision to bottle feed my second was a no-brainer.

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