Raising Future Husbands

I love raising boys. I am currently raising two beautiful boys through adoption and my surprise bio baby son. Before these boys entered my life I was a housemom in a boys’ home to 17 amazing young men. I really think God’s design for my life was for me to spend it raising boys.

(*I’m sure you can imagine after all these boys what an absolute treat my daughter has been to me. She is my sister-in-arms when it comes to dealing with living in the boy chaos and I highly value her little lady spirit in this house. She is a joy and a treasure.)

I remember someone saying to me, “When a daughter grows up she becomes her mother’s friend. When a son grows up he replaces his mother with a wife.” I’m guessing there’s a lot of truth to that. While it is heartbreaking to me to think someday my input in my son’s life won’t matter much, it does make me think about what kind of husbands I am raising. I do things differently when I think about the wife who will someday evaluate my work. And I want to be raising the kind of men who will attract the highest caliber of woman– the kind of woman who respects herself enough that she wants a husband who will treat her with respect, too.

This is why when I walk into the bathroom and see blue toothpaste smeared all over the inside of the sink, I don’t just wipe it up myself. Is it easier for me to do it? Yes. Especially when the culprit got out the door for school before this mess was seen. But I want to raise a husband who thinks about the effect leaving a mess has on his wife. When I see my boys have left their dresser drawers hanging open, my first temptation is just to close them. But then I think of the wife who will ask her husband, “Were you raised in a barn?” if he hasn’t learned by then to shut them himself when he pulls out his clothes. The bed will look neater if I make it myself. The sandwich will be less sloppy if I just pack the lunch. Nobody will complain if I put the laundry away in the drawers, but I keep seeing that wife in my mind. Like it or not, women continue to do the majority of the housework, so this likely will matter to the women who will marry my sons, if my boys decide to marry.

I’m so thankful for my husband’s input in all this. He’s the one who reminds them to thank me for the meal after dinner. He tells them if they aren’t being respectful with their tone or in their actions. He is good and nurturing and kind to the weaker ones in our home (even being sweet to our useless dog when he thinks no one is looking). He tells them not to interrupt me when I’m talking because it isn’t kind even though I’ve grown so used to interruptions I don’t even notice when they’re happening.

There are so many more important things I want to teach these husbands-in-training. Things that will have to wait until they’re a little older. How to open the door for a lady, or how they can look for ways to be helpful around the house without being told, or the importance of defending and protecting those who need it. It occurs to me that the first woman they will ever have to learn to love, respect, defend and protect will be me. I can’t teach them these important lessons without having my own self-respect and valuing my own time and gifts enough to feel confident in teaching them to value me. If I give them the impression my life revolves around being constantly at their service, how will they treat others?

Moms, it’s okay to have your own life. It’s okay to tell your kids, “You need to wait” while you finish eating your own dinner before dishing up their seconds. It’s okay to tell them they need to entertain themselves while you make a phone call to a friend or do your Bible reading. Go ahead and read a book on a blanket while your kids play in the backyard. If they want a push on the swing, they need to be nice to a sibling who will then want to push them. Use the bathroom ALONE and instill a holy fear in them of interrupting that precious time. Teach your kids that YOU are a person, too. You have needs, your feelings can be hurt, and you are valued by others who may sometimes need your involvement in their lives (those people are called “friends” and if you don’t have some, you need to get some FAST). What a blessing it will be to their spouses if your children have learned these important lessons in their early days.