Welcome to my circus.

If Moms Ran Victoria’s Secret


When a mom needs to buy new undergarments (of either the scandalous or non scandalous variety) she essentially has two options. She can either go to a store that seems geared toward college girls who are really anxious for someone to see the three inches of fabric they paid $30 for, or we can pick up a plastic wrapped ten pack of underwear while we’re out getting a box of diapers, a pack of toilet paper and some chicken legs. Neither one of these options are my favorite. So I am here today to propose a third way (other than buying online which is guaranteed to somehow make all my children run into the room and become suddenly super interested in what’s on my screen). I am giving you this million dollar idea for free, just because I would so love to shop at this store. Whoever is willing to make my dream a reality, go forth with my blessing.

Environment: I would like this store to have tinted glass along the front. I don’t need to worry that some elder from my church is going to see me contemplating underwear patterns. I also need for the name to be something nondescript. I’m guessing there would be copyright issues with this, but if they could just name the store “Target” that would solve a lot of problems for me. Kids: Where did you go, Mom? Me: Target. The moment I walk in, I need someone to hand me a glass of something warm (I always feel less stressed with a warm drink in my hand) and the whole place should smell like donuts or some other warm carb. I need to feel super relaxed if I’m going to do what I’m about to do here. The lighting should be flattering– some kind of candle situation would be nice. No fluorescents.

Decor: This store will have none of those giant posters of scantily clad, buxom models giving me bedroom eyes. No thank you. I would like only calming, reassuring images on the walls. I think posters featuring bowls of pasta, a basket of puppies, or steaming mugs of coffee would be nice. The dressing rooms need to have a hook substantial enough to hold up a purse and/or diaper bag and there should be an option to get a room with only a waist up mirror, or a waist down mirror, depending on what you’re shopping for. No need seeing what you don’t need to see today. The dressing rooms need to have positive affirmations on the walls. Things like, “In the dark, everybody looks like a supermodel.” or, “He said for better or worse, so quit stressing about it.” or, “Your body does important work, so it’s okay to treat it with love and respect.” or, “Your mom thinks you’re perfect.” or, “After this, you can go get cupcakes.” Come to think of it, maybe we should offer cupcakes outside the dressing room? OH! And we need a little fire pit or wood burning stove where women can put their old nursing bras. There would be some kind of celebratory music that would play and you’d get a discount on whatever you purchased to replace it.

. . . To finish reading, click through to Her View From Home. . . 

(Visited 345 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.