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A Life in Status- February #2, 2015

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Preschool Teacher: . . . but she doesn’t know what sound a “w” makes yet.
Husband: (mutters) Thanks, Obama.
‪#‎parentteacherconferences‬

The three year-old keeps telling me that he *still* loves me. I don’t know if that should be reassuring or disconcerting.
‪#‎istilllovehimtoo‬

Danny: Mom, we got Olafs at the grocery store. Not the snowman kind. You know, the green ones with red in the middle? I love those Olafs.
‪#‎olives‬ ‪#‎momtranslationskillz‬

Early morning wake-up call:
“Mom, I need clean things.”
“Did you pee your pants?”
“No, Mom.”
“Oh good.”
“These aren’t pants, they’re footies. I peed my footie pajamas.”

6 year-old saw somebody had left the water running in the bathroom.
“GUYS! It’s like money is just going RIGHT. DOWN. THE. DRAIN.”
‪#‎currentfavoritechild‬

When people want to tell me they’re color blind because we’re all the same under the surface, I want to tell them about how different races have different kinds of earwax. But apparently that’s how you get labeled the “crazy adoptive mom.”
‪#‎adoptivefamilyproblems‬

The socks you think the dryer is eating are actually under the couch, in your child’s bed, inside the bathroom cabinet, and on top of the fridge.
‪#‎yourewelcome‬ ‪#‎laundrydaydiscoveries‬

Do they make toupees for babies? This weather is too cold to be bald.

Ticklish Babies: Awesome when you want to hear them laugh. Not awesome when you’re trying to get them dressed.

Does letting your kid play with a calculator/digital thermometer/landline phone count as “screen time”?
‪#‎askingforafriend‬

Preschool Teacher: When she counts to 20 she says 13 twice and skips 14.
Me: Oh yeah, that’s because Josh teaches the kids to count and he has a little speech issue so 13 and 14 both sound like furteen.
Husband: That’s kind of embarrassing.
Me: What? That they say furteen?
Husband: No. That we had Josh teach the kids their numbers.
Me: Oh. . . right. . .
‪#‎delegating‬ ‪#‎parentteacherconferences‬ ‪#‎largefamilylogistics‬

Josh (8): Last night at church we wrote down things we loved. I put you and Dad. And farts.
‪#‎thatsmyboy‬

Joel (3): Mom, remember when I was a baby in your tummy? You tried to get me out, but I said, “No! I’m staying in!”
‪#‎csectionkid‬

Bethany (5): Mom, why are you listening to that same song over and over?
Me: I’m not. It’s a whole album of songs.
B: Oh. I thought it was just one song. That’s silly.
‪#‎mumford‬ ‪#‎preschoolmusiccritic‬

Bethany: Did Joel go to the toy doctor?
Me: No, just the regular doctor. Wait, what’s a toy doctor?
B: You know, where I got my toy ring? They give you a TOY. THE TOY DOCTOR?
Toy Doctor = Dentist

Sometimes I wonder why my life is feeling extra dramatic and tense. Then I remember there’s classical music on the radio.
‪#‎nprproblems‬

The Idea: Maybe if we start solids he won’t spit up on me so much.
The Reality: I am now wearing partially regurgitated banana.

16 month-old has reached the Threw It on the Ground stage of toddlerhood. Meals are fun.
‪#‎youdontownmehotdogman‬ ‪#‎happybirthdaytotheground‬

It’s always a good night when the kids want to read a Frances book.
‪#‎happyChompotome‬

Any tips on how to get melted crayon off of an entire load of clothes you just pulled out of the dryer?
‪#‎askingforafriend‬. . .

Me: Why are you chasing the dog and making that weird face?
Joel (3): I’m trying to make him laugh.
‪#‎goodluckwiththat‬

Please tell me at some point the children will understand I do not have control over what songs are played on the radio.

Danny: Mom, I don’t want to eat teeter totters.
Me: Teeter totters?
D: You know, those things. The brown things. Teeter totters.
Me: Oh, right. Gotcha.
‪#‎tatertots‬ ‪#‎momtranslationskillz‬

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2 Comments

  1. ok come on now, don’t make me google “what is earwax like for different races?”!! What in the world is different??

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