Preschool Teacher: . . . but she doesn’t know what sound a “w” makes yet.
Husband: (mutters) Thanks, Obama.
The three year-old keeps telling me that he *still* loves me. I don’t know if that should be reassuring or disconcerting.
Danny: Mom, we got Olafs at the grocery store. Not the snowman kind. You know, the green ones with red in the middle? I love those Olafs.
Early morning wake-up call:
“Mom, I need clean things.”
“Did you pee your pants?”
“These aren’t pants, they’re footies. I peed my footie pajamas.”
6 year-old saw somebody had left the water running in the bathroom.
“GUYS! It’s like money is just going RIGHT. DOWN. THE. DRAIN.”
When people want to tell me they’re color blind because we’re all the same under the surface, I want to tell them about how different races have different kinds of earwax. But apparently that’s how you get labeled the “crazy adoptive mom.”
The socks you think the dryer is eating are actually under the couch, in your child’s bed, inside the bathroom cabinet, and on top of the fridge.
Do they make toupees for babies? This weather is too cold to be bald.
Ticklish Babies: Awesome when you want to hear them laugh. Not awesome when you’re trying to get them dressed.
Does letting your kid play with a calculator/digital thermometer/landline phone count as “screen time”?
Preschool Teacher: When she counts to 20 she says 13 twice and skips 14.
Me: Oh yeah, that’s because Josh teaches the kids to count and he has a little speech issue so 13 and 14 both sound like furteen.
Husband: That’s kind of embarrassing.
Me: What? That they say furteen?
Husband: No. That we had Josh teach the kids their numbers.
Me: Oh. . . right. . .
#delegating #parentteacherconferences #largefamilylogistics
Josh (8): Last night at church we wrote down things we loved. I put you and Dad. And farts.
Joel (3): Mom, remember when I was a baby in your tummy? You tried to get me out, but I said, “No! I’m staying in!”
Bethany (5): Mom, why are you listening to that same song over and over?
Me: I’m not. It’s a whole album of songs.
B: Oh. I thought it was just one song. That’s silly.
Bethany: Did Joel go to the toy doctor?
Me: No, just the regular doctor. Wait, what’s a toy doctor?
B: You know, where I got my toy ring? They give you a TOY. THE TOY DOCTOR?
Toy Doctor = Dentist
Sometimes I wonder why my life is feeling extra dramatic and tense. Then I remember there’s classical music on the radio.
The Idea: Maybe if we start solids he won’t spit up on me so much.
The Reality: I am now wearing partially regurgitated banana.
16 month-old has reached the Threw It on the Ground stage of toddlerhood. Meals are fun.
It’s always a good night when the kids want to read a Frances book.
Any tips on how to get melted crayon off of an entire load of clothes you just pulled out of the dryer?
#askingforafriend. . .
Me: Why are you chasing the dog and making that weird face?
Joel (3): I’m trying to make him laugh.
Please tell me at some point the children will understand I do not have control over what songs are played on the radio.
Danny: Mom, I don’t want to eat teeter totters.
Me: Teeter totters?
D: You know, those things. The brown things. Teeter totters.
Me: Oh, right. Gotcha.