Welcome to my circus.

August 7, 2011
by Maralee
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Some days are like that. Even in Australia.

I have always loved the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” and now my kids love it, too.  I’ve been thinking I need to write a version for moms based on my own daily experiences.  Like the day I attempted to make a phone call using the tv remote. Or the day I grabbed the bag of potting soil instead of dog food and then poured it into the dog’s bowl.  Or the morning I learned that while it is true that a watched pot never boils, it does help to turn the burner on.

As a mom it is so easy to feel like all I am some days is a giant pair of hands just there to make the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or apply the band-aid, or push the swing.  On those days I feel like I could probably be just as effective of a parent if I recorded a cd of my most frequently repeated sayings (“food goes in our mouths”, “don’t forget to flush”, “please don’t bite the dog”) and just saved myself the trouble.

These are the days I remind myself that parenting is a calling.  It requires my full attention and so much more than a repetition of phrases and mindless activity.  I love that the Bible tells us “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”  Is there anywhere that this is more true than motherhood?  There are no raises for doing well, not a lot of people will pat you on the back if you’re “successful”, and there isn’t even a guarantee that if you did everything right your kids would turn out okay.  We have to be working for something greater than an earthly reward.

And when those rough days come, keep reminding yourself just like Alexander did- “Some days are like that.  Even in Australia.”

August 1, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on And beyond!

And beyond!

My four year-old is a whirling ball of energy every waking moment.  He is also impressively coordinated which keeps him from experiencing what should be the natural consequences of running at life full speed.  But this was not the case last Saturday after lunch.  He had been excused from the table and instead of just walking away, he broke into a full run out of the kitchen.  He was such a little tornado of activity that he managed to get both his feet twisted in the rug which launched him across the room.  This, of course, should not have been funny to his parents.  And I promise we wouldn’t have laughed except that as he hit the ground he yelled, “And beyond!”  We did find humor in his attempt to make it seem like he had planned that fall all along.

Maybe you have to be a parent of a child who has had a Buzz Lightyear phase to understand exactly what was going on.  Josh spends quite a bit of his day launching himself into the air and while he’s preparing to jump he yells, “To infinity” and while in the air he yells, “And beyond!” in his best Buzz Lightyear voice.  Is my kid the only one doing this?  I think we’re developing a generation of potential parachutists.

It’s hard to admit when life isn’t going just like you planned it would.  It’s tough to live life in community and let people see your flaws.  As much as I want to be open with others, I want to do it on my terms and only share the struggles that reinforce the image I want to create.  Through the circumstances in my life God has been slowly breaking me of the need to present myself as in control.  I mean, nothing will humble you like your two year-old who is fully potty-trained. . . except when you take him out in public.  So I want to allow God to use the flaws and imperfections in my life to show others that being a Christian mom isn’t about having it all together, just about having a heart that wants to please God whatever your circumstances.  When I fall down, God sure isn’t fooled if I yell, “And beyond!” so maybe it’s time to start letting Him use me- failings and all- to show His great love to those around me.

July 21, 2011
by Maralee
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Christmas in July

Are anybody else’s kids already thinking about Christmas?  The other day Josh was strumming his ukulele and singing “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” at the top of his lungs in the other room. Someone should probably tell him that doing that during naptime while the two toddlers are trying to sleep doesn’t earn him any favors from Santa.

Josh has already planned out whose birthdays have to come before Christmas.  He’s also ready that it won’t be until after Husker football starts up and after it starts snowing again.  We keep trying to teach him patience about these events he gets so excited about, but I’m not sure he gets it.  The other day I heard him pray, “‎”. . . and God, thank you for teaching me to be patient. Could you teach me something else now?”  Oh, how many times have I prayed that prayer?  It seems so funny to me coming from his mouth- this child I waited two years to hold in my arms.  I think of a pastor I once heard say, “There’s only one way to learn long-suffering.  By suffering long.”  It brought tears to my eyes to hear that during the days of empty cribs and the endless baby showers of my friends.

As hard as it was, I’m so thankful God walked me through that road.  It has helped me to trust in His goodness.  What an amazing gift my son has been to me and worth EVERY minute of the wait.  If I could have chosen to have a different child more quickly or to wait for the child God knew would fit perfectly in our family, I don’t know what I would have chosen during the impatient days.  But God knew best and now I know to trust Him.

So I hope Christmas comes soon for the sake of my excited little boy.  But I hope he continues to learn some lessons about patience in the process.

July 14, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Pushing my chair to the window

Pushing my chair to the window

There is just no substitute for the love of a parent.  All kids seem to express this love and receive this love differently and I don’t know if any kid expresses it quite so openly as my Daniel. The other day he saw me putting on my socks and shoes and he preemptively ran to the garage to keep me from leaving without him.  If he needs a hug he runs up to me and yells, “Hold you!!”  And just about every morning I wake up to his face at the side of my bed with a big grin and arms outstretched.  I love this boy.

So it was VERY tough to leave him and our other two kids with my parents for ten days while Brian and I were on a trip together.  Josh and our foster daughter did just great, but my mom said every day Danny would push a chair up to their front window and call for Mommy.  She even took a picture of him.  It both broke my heart and made me love him all the more.  And it made me think of heaven.

I know my boy missed me and things were just a little off and different while I was gone.  It had nothing to do with the great care of my parents who were totally up for this challenge.  They raised five kids of their own and I know for a fact that at least one of them was quite a trouble maker.  In spite of how much he loves his grandparents, little Danny just wanted his parents and wanted to be home.  How many times when things are going well do I think about my longing for heaven?  It takes the hard times, the lonely times to make me push my chair up to the window and call for my God.  Heaven has never been more real to me than during my grief over the losses of my two children through ectopic pregnancies.  Heaven became a place where the souls of my babies know only love and peace and the tender care of their Savior.  And I long to be there.  As hard as those losses were, I thank God that He has given me a little extra incentive to live this life well so I can meet my Redeemer face to face and hold those children again.  And in the meantime, I am also thankful I get to enjoy the love of three precious kids God entrusted to my care.

July 7, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on When they can make messes faster than you can clean

When they can make messes faster than you can clean

Want your home to have that lovely banana bread smell but don’t want to go to all the trouble of making bread or spend money on those fancy candles? I recommend making oatmeal with bananas and cinnamon for your children and then get distracted until the oatmeal burns to the bottom of the pan. It makes a lovely smell, if you don’t mind the clean-up. Just another helpful hint from Maralee’s Kitchen.

These are the days I realize I am not the mom I pictured myself becoming.  When I see my beautiful china laying untouched month after month.  When it occurs to me that I’ve become dependent on the dog to clean up the food under the table.  When I can’t find the saucepan lid, wooden spoon or the dishtowel and eventually find them in the toy box.  When I reach for my toothbrush and instead find an opened Nestle Crunch bar that someone left on the bathroom counter.  These are the days I can’t IMAGINE how God intends for me to show hospitality to anyone else.

I know some of the answer revolves around me becoming a better housekeeper, but I’m coming to accept that I am in a season where my little ones can make a mess much faster than I can clean it.  So is it possible for me to stop being so self-conscience about the state of things around here and just reach out a hand to someone who might be feeling that same sense of laundry drowning I’m struggling with?  Can I put aside my pride about the kind of mom I’d like to pretend I am and instead show some love to a mom who might be ministered to by seeing another real mom in action?  I’m not sure how it will feel, but I want to try.  I was blessed by a friend who wanted to stop over and when I told her what a mess things were she told me that if she came by it didn’t look just as I described it, then I could forget about her bringing coffee.  I have my pride, but I love coffee more so I resisted the urge to tidy.  It meant so much to me that she loved me in my mess.  Now I want to be showing that love to others.

And here’s my desperate plea to you moms whose children are now old enough to be truly helpful and your house doesn’t look like a tornado ran through it most hours of the day-  anybody want to have me over for coffee?

July 1, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Motherhood is the world’s longest game of “telephone”

Motherhood is the world’s longest game of “telephone”

I think one of the most common phrases I hear my fellow moms saying is, “I never thought I’d have to tell them THAT?!”  I’ve echoed it many times myself.  I did not anticipate having to have conversations like I did the other morning- “Boys, we don’t throw trains at people.” To which Josh responded, “What about monsters?  Can we throw trains at monsters?”  So then I actually hear the sentence coming out of my mouth, “Yes.  We can throw trains at monsters.”  Yeah, I never thought that was something I’d have to say.  And then there are the conversations that make even less sense because one of you isn’t really paying attention- “ Josh, now you need to clear your place.” “What, Mommy? Clip my apes?” “Yes, Josh. After breakfast we always clip our apes.”  Remember the game of telephone we played as kids?  Sometimes being a mom feels a lot like that.  I kept trying to figure out why Danny was insisting we play Duck, Duck, Goose with his head in the fridge, especially since I didn’t know he knew that game. He was much relieved when I figured out he was actually yelling Cup! Cup! Juice!

Sometimes it makes me wonder how God feels about communicating with His children.    When I read through the many laws of the Old Testament I wonder if God thought, “Well, I never thought I’d have to tell them THAT!”  When the Israelites made the golden calf while God was giving Moses the Ten Commandments was God thinking, “Am I not being clear enough or are you just not paying attention?”  Sometimes I am just like my kids and only hear what I want to hear, especially if what I should be hearing is going to require me to do something I don’t want to do.  I hope that through the course of my journey with The Lord I continue to learn to listen to His words in Scripture and also to obey the Spirit he’s given me that leads me to go beyond rote obedience and helps me to seek to be a woman after God’s own heart.  I can’t wait until my children go beyond just obeying the words I say and begin to internalize the messages I want to teach them.  Although most days I’d settle for some simple obedience!

And, of course, for a long time I’ll just be working on the basic communication skills.  Like the other day when Josh yelled, “”Mommy, I see a spider! I need the bee whacker!” “The what, Josh?” “The BEE WHACKER!” “You mean the flyswatter?” “Yes.”

June 21, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on Even moms hate to share

Even moms hate to share

I love to give gifts to my kids, but I’ve got to admit- I hate to share.  When we were kids and my mom wanted a lick of our ice-cream cones she would say, “It tastes better when you share.”  We caught on to that racket pretty quickly.  I see my stingy heart the most quickly when it comes to food.  Surely I can’t be the only mom who waits until the kids are in bed to grab the secret stash of forbidden foods.  The kids eat organic peanut butter and jelly for lunch and as soon as they’re down for naps I’m pulling out the leftover pizza.

I realized I’m not the only one in my house with a selfish attitude when I woke up to an unusual noise in my room the other morning.  It was pretty early for the pitter patter of little feet already, but here came my two year-old.  He is the middle child of our family and has learned to cope quite well with that, as I was about to learn.  He snuck into my room, pulled all the blankets out of the blanket chest and uncovered his big brother’s favorite Toy Story Woody doll that he had apparently found and hidden there.  What a little genius.   I’ve got to say I was so impressed with this multistep thought process that I couldn’t even get him in trouble.

We are born as little self-preservation machines.  From birth we know how to express our needs and as we learn to do things for ourselves we become experts at putting our desires before anyone else’s.  Although throughout life we learn how to put that selfishness to death, I don’t think there’s any faster crash-course than parenthood.  The instant you become a parent your life is no longer your own.  I imagine that’s why for so many of us God has chosen this route for our important lessons in self-denial.  I want to get better at finding the joy in sharing. . . although I’m not making any promises about giving up my secret snacks.

June 14, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on “We are NOT precious. We are BROTHERS.”

“We are NOT precious. We are BROTHERS.”

I had the amazing experience recently of taking my two year-old Danny to a gathering of his biological family.  For the first time in his life he was surrounded by a room full of people who looked just like him with only a couple exceptions.  He was loved and fussed over and had beautiful Spanish words spoken over him and he handled it in typical two year-old boy fashion- he mostly ignored it.  Which is why I was surprised when all of the sudden he was pushing out of my arms to reach for someone.  When I looked down I saw a little boy about three years-old who had the same beautiful chocolate brown skin as our oldest son, Josh.  Danny was yelling “Yaash!  Yaaash!” and I had to explain to him that that wasn’t his brother.  It was a beautiful moment to me to see that as important as his ethnic heritage is to me and will someday be to him, right now he just knows that Josh is his brother.  I know the feelings are mutual because the other Sunday Josh saw some friends of his at church who are twins and said, “Hey, they look just the same! Just like me and Danny do!” I love his perspective.  Although as his mom I have to be careful how I phrase it.  Just the other day when I saw the two of them hugging I told them they were precious to which Josh responded: “We are NOT precious! We are BROTHERS!”

I am so thankful that I have the beautiful experience of being part of an interracial family.  I am learning to value and respect cultural differences while also realizing that when you are part of the same spiritual family many of the perceived differences melt away.  I imagine that in heaven we will see that all our cultural pieces fit together like a big puzzle that when fully assembled shows the face of our Father.

June 7, 2011
by Maralee
Comments Off on “I know everything. Everything that’s naughty.”

“I know everything. Everything that’s naughty.”

I have come to believe that some kids are born with unusually good self-esteem.  My four year-old would be one of them.  Just last week he said to me, “Mommy, I smell something good. . . it’s me.”  This last fall he told me he wanted to dress as himself for Halloween.  And the other Sunday he told me, “Mommy, I am a ROCK STAR” which he followed up by asking, “What is a rock star?”  We did finally have to put a stop to things when he started correcting us and ending his lectures with, “I know everything.”  I guess that sunk in because the other day he told Brian we don’t say “stupid” and then said, “I know everything. . . everything that’s naughty.”  He didn’t get in trouble for that one.

So I was so thankful for his Sunday School teacher and the lesson she put together just a few weeks ago.  I couldn’t tell you what Bible story she used, but Josh came home talking non-stop about how he was not the best- God is the best.  He said it in his prayers, he sang about it while swinging on the swing set, he told his little siblings about how they weren’t the best either.  It was beautiful to me to get a daily reminder about the importance of humility from my son.  And I imagine it blessed God’s heart to hear words of praise from this child.  As the only adult in my home the majority of the time it can be easy for me to think of myself as the final authority, but to remember that God is the best is also to remember that He is in control.  What a relief!  And in case my self-esteem was in jeopardy, I made meatloaf the other night which made Josh say, “Mommy, you and God are the best.”

June 1, 2011
by Maralee
3 Comments

Popping my envy balloon

We seem to be born with an innate need for fairness.  My son brought this point home to me just the other day in an exchange we had about a beloved balloon.  As a survival strategy at the grocery store I have started paying for the good behavior of my children with a free balloon when it’s time to leave.  After a recent trip Josh was exiting the van when I heard a loud noise and then a cry.  I asked him, “What’s the matter, Josh?” And he told me, “My balloon popped!” I asked him if there was something I could do to help him feel better and he said, “Fix my balloon!” I told him, “Oh Josh, I can’t do that.”  To which he replied, “Then pop Danny’s!”  I’m not exactly sure how popping his little brother’s balloon would have fixed things in his mind, but I think it had to do with fairness.  If Josh couldn’t have one, no one should.

I’d love to say that after leaving childish ways behind me I’ve never had those kinds of thoughts, but that just wouldn’t be accurate.  I have felt envy as I’ve seen the beautiful homes of my friends, the sporty cars I guess you’re allowed to drive if you don’t have to buckle in three car seats, and the biggest envy trigger of all- those families whose kids sit silently beside them during church.  How is that even possible?  Although I’ve come to terms with not having exactly what my neighbors have, I still think it would be easier to cope if we were at least all in the same boat.  How far am I from asking for someone else’s balloon to get popped so I don’t feel bad about losing mine?

I am learning that the key to fully enjoying the gifts God has given me is to embrace contentment.  I have been amazingly blessed and have even learned to see blessings in the trials I’ve walked through as I see how they bring me closer to understanding the heart of God.  Instead of asking for fairness from God, I want to be thankful for the life He’s given me and to find joy in the happiness of others.