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The four year-old just yelled, “BOOYAH, Suckers!” during his imaginative play.
#littleboywithbigbrothers
When I take out my toddler’s pigtails from the day she ends up having essentially the same hairdo as Larry from the Three Stooges. And I love it.
#momconfession #curlygirl
Joel (4): When I’m bigger, can I have a bonk bed?
#bunkbed #soclose #makessense
When my toddler daughter senses I’m trying to decide if I should get her in trouble for some minor misbehavior or just let it go, she starts dancing. This usually works in her favor.
#smartgirl #cantdisciplinewhenImlaughing
It’s the last day of school for my kids. Raising kids is a team effort and I’m so thankful for the people who are part of that team in the school setting. I’ll miss the contributions of our teachers, cafeteria workers and school nurse. But I just might miss the custodial staff most of all. . .
#youknowwhatyoudid #Imsosorry #wereworkingonit
The kids have less than an hour until they’re out of school for the summer and I think I’m experiencing nearly every emotion a human is capable of having.
#ALLTHEFEELS #slowdowntime #whyissummersolong
Nothing says welcome to summer break quite like 8 a.m. dentist appointments.
#whatwasIthinking
Can we all just agree that if Trump wins we’re going to refer to him as President Business?
#LegoMovie
Sometimes I give my kids the pizza crust I don’t want and tell them it’s a breadstick.
#momconfession
When you have a really large baby you become familiar with all the nice euphemisms for “chubby” that people like to use.
#sturdy #meaty #solid #substantial #linebacker #beefy #rotund #wegetit#hesbig
Me: Do you know how much I love you?
Josh: How much?
Me: So much. Like, this much. (put my arms all the way out) Except more than that, but that’s just how far my arms reach.
Josh: Yeah, I know.
Me: Sometimes I get sad that I only have nine more years to tell you those things before you move out.
Josh: But I’m not moving out. I’m just going to do the same job as dad and stay at home.
#sosweet #butpleasemoveout #atleastmovenextdoor
Me: Hi! I wanted to meet you! I’m in your daughter’s Life Group at church.
Her: Oh sure. That’s great.
Me: . . . And I have six kids and I know you raised six kids too, so. . .
Her (pulling me to her and hugging me): Yes! Oh! YOU’RE the one. Oh, it will get easier. I promise! You’ll be fine. I’m still sane! Just hang in there.
#takesonetoknowone #Ineededthat #largefamilypeptalks
At church we sang about how we are a dried up river without God and then sang a line about “you put water in my dry bed.” At this stage of my life, that just seems more literal than metaphorical.
#somanywetbeds #solittlesleep
Bethany: MOM! Joel keeps knocking down Danny’s fort!
Me: Did Danny ask him to stop?
Bethany: YES! But he won’t stop because the Captain America toy says, “Never give up.”
#thanksCaptain
Joel (4): The world will stop on the last day. That’s when everybody dies.
#preschoolersarecreepy #myprophetJoel
Trying out a new babysitter. It’s like a really high stakes blind date.
#hopeshelikesus #hopewelikeher
Things I regularly yell:
“COME UP HERE IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME! I’M NOT GOING TO YELL DOWN THE STREET!”
“IF YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT, COME DOWN TO THE KITCHEN AND TALK TO ME! I’M NOT YELLING THROUGH THE HOUSE!”
The Six Steps of Doing Stuff
1) Be asked to participate in something you’re super excited about.
2) Go through all the work to prepare for it.
3) Right before it’s time to do it decide you hate doing anything and you want to hide in a hole and human contact is overrated.
4) DO THE THING.
5) Feel really relieved and so glad you did it.
6) REPEAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
(All that to say, I’m about to record an interview for The Forgotten Initiative podcast and I’ve got a radio interview I need to schedule for next week. Keep reminding me that step 5 is coming.)
Sometimes after dealing with some minor parenting issue (“We don’t stand on our chair during lunch.”) I like to really intensely say, “You mess with the bull, you get the horns.” for no good reason.
#momconfession #makesthekidslaugh
#tryingtokeepmysanity #maybetoolate
Million Dollar Idea: Create a game that utilizes all the random pieces of games that haven’t been destroyed or lost yet. So in my house that would involve: 2 Candy Land people and 8 of their cards, 15 Connect Four pieces, the Shoots and Ladders board, 32 Scrabble tiles, the wishbone and butterfly from Operation, 27 Uno cards and a Pop-o-Matic bubble.
#goodluckwiththat
I thought my child might be feeling lonely or scared in a group of new people, so I went over to check on him. Turns out he was showing a crowd of people how to solve the Rubik’s cube.
#extrovert
Joel (4): MOM. The Princess and Mario are in love. They are actually in love. When he saves her, you can tell they are in love. Mom, I’m Mario. I’m Mario and YOU are the princess.
#heartmelted #alsoalittleawkward
Letting your comforter dry on the same deck where you are grilling hot dogs = one delicious smelling blanket.
#cantsleep #justwanthotdogs
Million Dollar Idea:
Amazon creates “Public Shame Avoidance Kit for Families” that they automatically send you once a year. This includes a year’s worth of pull-ups in the large sizes, feminine hygiene products, athletes foot treatment kit, wart remover, dandruff shampoo, prescription strength deodorant, your preferred method of “family planning” help, and a pregnancy test.
Kids these days. Can’t make them wear leashes. Can’t let them fall into gorilla enclosures.
#parentingishard
The doorbell is broken. This is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
#introvert
If you can’t imagine how a four year-old boy could slip away from his mom and climb into a gorilla enclosure, I feel fairly certain you have never parented a four year-old boy.